What do you think (contructive criticism welcome)?

A Southern Lullaby





The gentle Suwannee flows a steady beat outside my window,


And the beat of the hummingbird’s wings set the tempo,


And cotton covers the field like a winter snow.


The smell of jasmine and azaleas are hypnotic,


The scent of magnolias is melodic,


And the song of the birds makes me evermore homesick.








A Southern Lullaby to put me to sleep


Under the branches of the willows that weep.


The song of Graceland that no instrument can play-


And the night’s song is the only that compares to the day.


As I sleep, the grass sways to the melody


Of the tune of the song that carries me.


The tune of June,


The ballad of July-


A song of Graceland, a Southern lullaby.








The mornings filled with the ballet of the butterfly


At twilight, the whirls and twirls of the firefly


And at night the waltz of the stars in the sky


Night and day balance, dance to the cadence


Of a Southern Lullaby

What do you think (contructive criticism welcome)?
Nice to see someone so young actually spell well. Nice imagery. Keep studying the English language you will improve! I can sleep better knowing there are a few young people keeping the language alive!
Reply:It's beautiful, I hope to hear it on the radio one day!
Reply:I like it. One idea (just trying to brainstorm and be helpful) - at the beginning you say "beat" twice in a short time. Maybe try changing the second "beat" just to get a little more variety.
Reply:i like it.
Reply:wow. this is amazing. how old are you?