Introduction to a teenager diary/book I wrote. Would you want to continue reading?

4-1-2008


So, here I am at home. It's about 2:30 pm ( I think I may start putting the time next to the date up there) and I am pretty bored, considering the fact that my dad is "sick" and I decided not to go to school today. Therefore, my dad decides he is taking away everything from my internet to playing guitar hero! :/ Whatevs, I stopped caring a while ago. As for my dad being "sick", I think he may have a minor headache ( which is totally normal for him, it's called asprin or whatever ) and sore throat. Even though he sounds terrible when he's talking, I just don't know. I don't think it was worth him staying home from work for a whole two days! I don't even have room to be talking to be brutally honest. This morning I had this bad feeling right in the pit of my stomach, but now I feel completely fine after a four good hours of sleep! :) Around noon, I told Mr. Ouch! My throat hurts, no work for me! that I was feeling better and wanted to get ready and go to school, but no! Of course not! Anything Jasmine wants today she isn't getting, even if it is returning back to school, which I am getting in trouble for in the first place! :Z All this is how ended up with this "journal" thing. I am so freaken' bored I resorted to clearing all the **** off my computer, and starting a journal on here! I guess it isn't too bad of an idea. I mean, I spend most of my time on this thing anyway. I should come up with a name for it! Haha. How about...Bertha?! Nah, I use that name all the time. Um...Andy! That's it! From now on my computer is going to be refered to as Andy, at least by me anyway. I probably won't write on this everyday. I will probably only write on it when I am either a.) extremely bored or b.) really feeling low about something. I tried writing in a diary a couple times. Let's just say actually writing things about the sick and twisted story of my life, is not my thing. :)





4-1-2008 6:21pm %26lt;%26lt;The time :)


Hi, for the second time today! How are you? I am pretty pissed off. I'm a teenager, I'm hormonal, I'm blah blah blah. I have heard it a jillion times. So then, does every teenager feel like the whole world is out to get them? I swear! Annie (dad's physco girlfriend) and my father make up so much **** on the spot! It's like they dig and dig and dig for more for more things to use against me or ***** at me about. For example, I make one smart comment and they start yellin' at me for that, (which is halfway understandable) but then they sit there for the rest of the night and look for something to scream at me for! Like, later on I pour kool-aid on the counter instead of over the sink. Lord help us all! According to Annie and dad that is the end of the world and we need to ground Jasmine for it! Then, they keep saying, "I am the adult, and you are the child." I just wanna scream out, "THEN WHY DON'T YOU START ACTING LIKE ONE?!" Of ourse if I did that they would either a.) murder me right there on the spot or b.) ground me in my prison cell of a room for the rest of the month! What is a girl to do in this situation? Help!%26gt;.%26lt;

Introduction to a teenager diary/book I wrote. Would you want to continue reading?
Well, I'm extremely picky and I never answer these questions. I read a lot of them but they are usually so bad that I would just sound like a jerk if I said what I thought. This is only the second one I've wanted to cheer for. So, CHEERS! You've really nailed the diary tone while still conveying a lot of information. You managed to tell us quite a bit about the story set-up without it ever sounding contrived or forced. That is a pet peeve of mine and something you see a lot of so I am really impressed. You also present what seems to be a "normal" character without her seeming boring, and created a thread for the reader to want to follow. The diary format is harder to do than it sounds and I really think you are on the right track. Keep going, for sure. I'd read more.
Reply:its alright...the beginning ("So, here I am at home. It's about 2:30 pm ( I think I may start putting the time next to the date up there)"...is a little...boring. like, really too proper for a diary...it gets better as i kept reading tho...


i'm a writer TOO!!!


read some of my stuff some time!
Reply:the story is pretty good but maybe more detais will make it better, , good job anyways
Reply:Probably not, Some suggestions are:


Define who you are, for example WHAT IS YOUR CHARACTERS NAME???


Who is your audience? Are you writing for yourself, Your parents, or for a teacher etc.etc. etc.


The first paragraph was okay, but you lost me at Hi, for the second time today.


If you get this published, be sure and address the AGE GROUP you are writing to.


Keep Writing!
Reply:That's pretty good. I think that you need to develop your characters a little bit more and lay out some kind of setting. I also think that you need a bit more of a plot. It's really good- Keep it up!!!!!
Reply:think of a stronger introduction. good luck writing %26lt;3
Reply:You've got fun content, but it would be nice if you could put in a couple threads of suspense of possible danger or conflict. I know it may not be easy but it's what keeps the reader glued. Annie is a possibility. Keep it up. We LOVE our writers!
Reply:Ahhh I want to know what happens next?!?!?!


:O
Reply:I stopped reading when you said you were pretty bored. I think that was about the second sentence.





If YOU were bored, I would expect to be bored also.





So I didn't read another word.
Reply:Hah oh god sounds like my whole life. Except, while reading, you sounded exactly like my friend when she speaks, love it. It's funny cause its so relatable. Dumb parents right?