Introduction to a teenager diary/book I wrote. Would you want to continue reading?

4-1-2008


So, here I am at home. It's about 2:30 pm ( I think I may start putting the time next to the date up there) and I am pretty bored, considering the fact that my dad is "sick" and I decided not to go to school today. Therefore, my dad decides he is taking away everything from my internet to playing guitar hero! :/ Whatevs, I stopped caring a while ago. As for my dad being "sick", I think he may have a minor headache ( which is totally normal for him, it's called asprin or whatever ) and sore throat. Even though he sounds terrible when he's talking, I just don't know. I don't think it was worth him staying home from work for a whole two days! I don't even have room to be talking to be brutally honest. This morning I had this bad feeling right in the pit of my stomach, but now I feel completely fine after a four good hours of sleep! :) Around noon, I told Mr. Ouch! My throat hurts, no work for me! that I was feeling better and wanted to get ready and go to school, but no! Of course not! Anything Jasmine wants today she isn't getting, even if it is returning back to school, which I am getting in trouble for in the first place! :Z All this is how ended up with this "journal" thing. I am so freaken' bored I resorted to clearing all the **** off my computer, and starting a journal on here! I guess it isn't too bad of an idea. I mean, I spend most of my time on this thing anyway. I should come up with a name for it! Haha. How about...Bertha?! Nah, I use that name all the time. Um...Andy! That's it! From now on my computer is going to be refered to as Andy, at least by me anyway. I probably won't write on this everyday. I will probably only write on it when I am either a.) extremely bored or b.) really feeling low about something. I tried writing in a diary a couple times. Let's just say actually writing things about the sick and twisted story of my life, is not my thing. :)





4-1-2008 6:21pm %26lt;%26lt;The time :)


Hi, for the second time today! How are you? I am pretty pissed off. I'm a teenager, I'm hormonal, I'm blah blah blah. I have heard it a jillion times. So then, does every teenager feel like the whole world is out to get them? I swear! Annie (dad's physco girlfriend) and my father make up so much **** on the spot! It's like they dig and dig and dig for more for more things to use against me or ***** at me about. For example, I make one smart comment and they start yellin' at me for that, (which is halfway understandable) but then they sit there for the rest of the night and look for something to scream at me for! Like, later on I pour kool-aid on the counter instead of over the sink. Lord help us all! According to Annie and dad that is the end of the world and we need to ground Jasmine for it! Then, they keep saying, "I am the adult, and you are the child." I just wanna scream out, "THEN WHY DON'T YOU START ACTING LIKE ONE?!" Of ourse if I did that they would either a.) murder me right there on the spot or b.) ground me in my prison cell of a room for the rest of the month! What is a girl to do in this situation? Help!%26gt;.%26lt;

Introduction to a teenager diary/book I wrote. Would you want to continue reading?
I wouldn't continue reading this.





For one, the entries are one big block of text. Second, your character rambles. Also, she sounds insincere and dull. Finally, it's just some character's psychobabble.





I understand that this is how a typical teenage journal might sound (it hasn't been too long since I was there myself,) but this is writing and in writing prose--whatever format you put it in--has to be tight, concise, and interesting. I'm afraid that this is just the opposite right now.





Without knowing more about the project, I can't offer much advice. I can offer a few bits, though. For one, focus on conflict. Real conflict. Overarching conflict that will drive your character's story. Next, tighten up the writing, watch the crazy punctuation, and the rambling sentences.





Almost any idea can be pulled off well. However, poor execution will ruins the most brilliant concepts. Tread carefully, act professionally, and keep writing. Good luck!