Translation of Pakistani Urdu Poem 2. Need Comments & Suggestions?

Memory


by Faiz Ahmed Faiz


Translated by S. Shariq





In desert solitude are trembling


Shadows of your voice, a mirage of your lips


In desert solitude are blooming


Amid rubble and straws


Roses and jasmine by your side





Somewhere near


You breath is warming


Enveloped in soft perfume


Far, beyond horizon, glittering


Drop by drop, and falling


Is dew of your loving eyes





With so much love


Your memory’s hand has touched


The cheek of my heart


And it feels on this lonely morn


That the day has passed


And our night has come





Copyright 2007

Translation of Pakistani Urdu Poem 2. Need Comments %26amp; Suggestions?
It is a pretty close translation. Have u done it yourself?


If so, may i request you to look into the last stanza. It can be perhaps done with more emotions. I have read the original YAAD and it was fanastic. One of my favourite poems..





Best of Luck





TW K
Reply:Solitude is singular. It should be is blooming and is trembling. Pax - C